Sunday, January 14, 2007

Sunday with homeopathy and doing the Casalinga

Yesterday we went to my homeopath. Both of us. I am still a silent rattlesnack and the man I live with is a nut. A poison nut. I knew about the nut part. And aggravatingly so, I knew about what kind of nut too.

My homeopath is a good one. Everytime he gets the remedy right. I did too this time. Kind of wish I had trusted myself on this more and saved ourselves the trip.

So, I return to my studies, I have a test next week and loads of clinic to attend.

I studied his remedy again. It was like reading astrology. Did you ever "read up" on a lover? It was like reading his journal (not that this type would necessarily keep a journal) and wow, what a help. It was the guy who I met two and a half years ago. Even though he is not so happy here, and not in his full power, I saw him again while reading.

So, we spent a quiet and loving day, kind of like the first months together. When of course, we did not share a language or a culture, but a willingness to understand.

Back then I was a lot more self-reliant. One would think now, when I am not dependent on anyone because I am on my home turf, that I would be that way. But no, it was more true then.

This whole week: with the dreams, the nostalgia - has been good in this way, to remind me how to do this, and why to be that kind of self reliant.

I wrote this in August, 2 years ago:

Not having language makes it simpler.

No I have not lost my mind.

I am entirely dependent on my intuition. And this seems rational.

It’s not about my having enough data on F. to make decisions, it’s about clarity with myself. I have nothing but me to protect here, I have only to be mercilessly honest with myself, ... and I seem to manage.

If I were able to speak with him, wouldn’t I start to listen? Wouldn’t I believe his stories of himself? Wouldn’t I run the risk of accepting reports instead of learning things on my own? Instead I talk to myself the most...

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